Important Reminders for the Newbie

So I know it's been awhile since I posted, so let me bring you guys up on some fun stuff and some important stuff.

Reminders for the newbie:

* NEVER be late to a deposition or hearing, but especially a hearing. The judge will hold you in contempt if (s)he is having a bad day. I just saw it happen to a lawyer the other day and it wasn't pretty.

* Arrive half an hour early EVERY time.

* Work on your dictionary now. If you have an extra $99, send your dictionary off to Mark and ask him for his Dictionary ER. Trust me on this one.

* Always be professional. A sundress and flip flops is okay for church in the summers, but definitely not okay at work, ever.

* Get used to writing without your realtime and read from your notes just in case your software freezes up or your phishing software decides to scan your computer in the middle of a depo and it freezes everything up. It just happened to me. It wasn't pretty. Thank goodness I had paper in my machine, because I wouldn't have been prepared otherwise.

* Use a backup recorder, even if it's the old tape recorder. Have something with you in case the above happens and your audiosynch is what you rely on for audio.
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Now onto some of the funnier sides of the job, and believe me, I've definitely had my share in this short span of time.

This was a workers' comp claim about a dude that got smashed on the head by some falling debris at a construction site. And he was fun-ny....Some of these are so inappropriate, but you will definitely get this. Here are a few excerpts from the transcript:

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Q: Where did you meet this guy?

A: I don't know. From the neighborhood, I guess. No, no. I remember now. I met old boy at the caberet. Oh yeah, I remember now. It was definitely at the Disco Wall. Big caberet, big titties and a big party.

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Q: Well, how did you feel when you got home later that night?

A: Like some crap.

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Q: How often would you see your friend outside of work?

A: Well, I see him at least once a week now that his wife done went crazy.

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Q: What else has had an impact on your daily activities, or daily life I should say?

A: Well, I used to be good at banging the monkey, but now she gotta get on top of me.

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AHAHAHAH. I am so not kidding. I almost died.

Mrs. W and Glyn if you're reading this, you would have been proud of me. I just tucked my chin in and smiled in my shirt.
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But this one, I wasn't so good... lol

So, us reporters are supposed to be completely quiet and neutral during any kind of proceedings we're working on, but sometimes, it's just too funny.

Today, I totally laughed out loud in my deposition. Straight up laughed out loud. I was so embarassed, but I couldn't help it. Here's what happened:

My client is the plaintiff's lawyer, young guy but very lawyer-like and is not being so nice. He's interviewing gargantuan officer that's like 8'2 and she can barely fit in the conference room. Everything about this officer looks larger than life: gun, belt, shoes, badge, gun. Did I mention gun?

Anyway, my lawyer asks to have the officer demonstrate a prone handcuffing technique or straight-arm pull-down. Here's a little how it went:

MY ATTORNEY: Would you please demonstrate that, officer?

OFFICER: On you, sir?

MY ATTORNEY: Oh, hell no. On your lawyer. I'm not stupid.

OTHER ATTORNEY: (eyes bulging out of head) My wife will kill me if I tear this jacket.

COURT REPORTER (ME): (Laughs out loud.)

OFFICER: I don't want to hurt my attorney, but I'd be glad to show you, sir.

MY ATTORNEY: No, your attorney is fine. Just do it already.

(Officer takes down own attorney.)

MY ATTORNEY: I would like the record to reflect that opposing counsel went down way too easy.

Everything in parenthesis wasn't in the record, but it was highly amusing. Some days, it's just plain fun.