I had this guy today that had diarrhea of the mouth that just wouldn't stop talking. He went on for almost nine pages talking about what he does for work and it's a divorce case. HELLO! Do you really think the lawyer wants a detailed description of your curriculum vitae, Dad? I think not.
Anyway, there were two really amusing parts of the day and I thought I would share since I know I've been totally slacking in the blog department since my vacay. I'll catch up somehow. (winks)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Does your internist prescribe that for you?
A: No. Internists don't prescribe medicines for that. There's a physician by the name of John -- what's John's last name?
Q: Errant?
A: No. I can't think of his last name.
Q: It's a side effect of the mediciation he prescribed for you.
A: Yeah, right. I'll come back to that. Now, what was I saying?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A: I was working for a small association that worked for corporations that used Oracle Business Application Software. Are you familiar with Oracle software?
Q: Sure.
OPPOSING ATTORNEY: You are?
QUESTIONING ATTORNEY: Sure. I am an oracle after all. Let the record note that the court reporter smiled at that arrogance.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Important Reminders for the Newbie
So I know it's been awhile since I posted, so let me bring you guys up on some fun stuff and some important stuff.
Reminders for the newbie:
* NEVER be late to a deposition or hearing, but especially a hearing. The judge will hold you in contempt if (s)he is having a bad day. I just saw it happen to a lawyer the other day and it wasn't pretty.
* Arrive half an hour early EVERY time.
* Work on your dictionary now. If you have an extra $99, send your dictionary off to Mark and ask him for his Dictionary ER. Trust me on this one.
* Always be professional. A sundress and flip flops is okay for church in the summers, but definitely not okay at work, ever.
* Get used to writing without your realtime and read from your notes just in case your software freezes up or your phishing software decides to scan your computer in the middle of a depo and it freezes everything up. It just happened to me. It wasn't pretty. Thank goodness I had paper in my machine, because I wouldn't have been prepared otherwise.
* Use a backup recorder, even if it's the old tape recorder. Have something with you in case the above happens and your audiosynch is what you rely on for audio.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now onto some of the funnier sides of the job, and believe me, I've definitely had my share in this short span of time.
This was a workers' comp claim about a dude that got smashed on the head by some falling debris at a construction site. And he was fun-ny....Some of these are so inappropriate, but you will definitely get this. Here are a few excerpts from the transcript:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Where did you meet this guy?
A: I don't know. From the neighborhood, I guess. No, no. I remember now. I met old boy at the caberet. Oh yeah, I remember now. It was definitely at the Disco Wall. Big caberet, big titties and a big party.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Well, how did you feel when you got home later that night?
A: Like some crap.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How often would you see your friend outside of work?
A: Well, I see him at least once a week now that his wife done went crazy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What else has had an impact on your daily activities, or daily life I should say?
A: Well, I used to be good at banging the monkey, but now she gotta get on top of me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AHAHAHAH. I am so not kidding. I almost died.
Mrs. W and Glyn if you're reading this, you would have been proud of me. I just tucked my chin in and smiled in my shirt.
=======================================================
But this one, I wasn't so good... lol
So, us reporters are supposed to be completely quiet and neutral during any kind of proceedings we're working on, but sometimes, it's just too funny.
Today, I totally laughed out loud in my deposition. Straight up laughed out loud. I was so embarassed, but I couldn't help it. Here's what happened:
My client is the plaintiff's lawyer, young guy but very lawyer-like and is not being so nice. He's interviewing gargantuan officer that's like 8'2 and she can barely fit in the conference room. Everything about this officer looks larger than life: gun, belt, shoes, badge, gun. Did I mention gun?
Anyway, my lawyer asks to have the officer demonstrate a prone handcuffing technique or straight-arm pull-down. Here's a little how it went:
MY ATTORNEY: Would you please demonstrate that, officer?
OFFICER: On you, sir?
MY ATTORNEY: Oh, hell no. On your lawyer. I'm not stupid.
OTHER ATTORNEY: (eyes bulging out of head) My wife will kill me if I tear this jacket.
COURT REPORTER (ME): (Laughs out loud.)
OFFICER: I don't want to hurt my attorney, but I'd be glad to show you, sir.
MY ATTORNEY: No, your attorney is fine. Just do it already.
(Officer takes down own attorney.)
MY ATTORNEY: I would like the record to reflect that opposing counsel went down way too easy.
Everything in parenthesis wasn't in the record, but it was highly amusing. Some days, it's just plain fun.
Reminders for the newbie:
* NEVER be late to a deposition or hearing, but especially a hearing. The judge will hold you in contempt if (s)he is having a bad day. I just saw it happen to a lawyer the other day and it wasn't pretty.
* Arrive half an hour early EVERY time.
* Work on your dictionary now. If you have an extra $99, send your dictionary off to Mark and ask him for his Dictionary ER. Trust me on this one.
* Always be professional. A sundress and flip flops is okay for church in the summers, but definitely not okay at work, ever.
* Get used to writing without your realtime and read from your notes just in case your software freezes up or your phishing software decides to scan your computer in the middle of a depo and it freezes everything up. It just happened to me. It wasn't pretty. Thank goodness I had paper in my machine, because I wouldn't have been prepared otherwise.
* Use a backup recorder, even if it's the old tape recorder. Have something with you in case the above happens and your audiosynch is what you rely on for audio.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now onto some of the funnier sides of the job, and believe me, I've definitely had my share in this short span of time.
This was a workers' comp claim about a dude that got smashed on the head by some falling debris at a construction site. And he was fun-ny....Some of these are so inappropriate, but you will definitely get this. Here are a few excerpts from the transcript:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Where did you meet this guy?
A: I don't know. From the neighborhood, I guess. No, no. I remember now. I met old boy at the caberet. Oh yeah, I remember now. It was definitely at the Disco Wall. Big caberet, big titties and a big party.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Well, how did you feel when you got home later that night?
A: Like some crap.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How often would you see your friend outside of work?
A: Well, I see him at least once a week now that his wife done went crazy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What else has had an impact on your daily activities, or daily life I should say?
A: Well, I used to be good at banging the monkey, but now she gotta get on top of me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AHAHAHAH. I am so not kidding. I almost died.
Mrs. W and Glyn if you're reading this, you would have been proud of me. I just tucked my chin in and smiled in my shirt.
=======================================================
But this one, I wasn't so good... lol
So, us reporters are supposed to be completely quiet and neutral during any kind of proceedings we're working on, but sometimes, it's just too funny.
Today, I totally laughed out loud in my deposition. Straight up laughed out loud. I was so embarassed, but I couldn't help it. Here's what happened:
My client is the plaintiff's lawyer, young guy but very lawyer-like and is not being so nice. He's interviewing gargantuan officer that's like 8'2 and she can barely fit in the conference room. Everything about this officer looks larger than life: gun, belt, shoes, badge, gun. Did I mention gun?
Anyway, my lawyer asks to have the officer demonstrate a prone handcuffing technique or straight-arm pull-down. Here's a little how it went:
MY ATTORNEY: Would you please demonstrate that, officer?
OFFICER: On you, sir?
MY ATTORNEY: Oh, hell no. On your lawyer. I'm not stupid.
OTHER ATTORNEY: (eyes bulging out of head) My wife will kill me if I tear this jacket.
COURT REPORTER (ME): (Laughs out loud.)
OFFICER: I don't want to hurt my attorney, but I'd be glad to show you, sir.
MY ATTORNEY: No, your attorney is fine. Just do it already.
(Officer takes down own attorney.)
MY ATTORNEY: I would like the record to reflect that opposing counsel went down way too easy.
Everything in parenthesis wasn't in the record, but it was highly amusing. Some days, it's just plain fun.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Just A Few Tips
So, there are a couple things I have learned about reporting as a rookie that I wanted to share:
1) If you have multiple files because you didn't append and continue, make a note on your job sheet so you'll remember.
2) Always work on your job for at least 30 minutes after you get home to get any of the names and address spellings that you didn't get at the deposition out of your mind. It's fresh, and you'll forget by day two.
3) Mark all exhibits with a blue pen so you'll know which one is the original.
4) Get a thick skin. Not all lawyers are nice.
5) Think about getting a little laptop table because you'll need one if you ever take a video deposition because your laptop will be in the screen blocking the witness.
6) Add as many words to your dictionary as you can while in school. After you start working, you won't have the time to go in and add them. Mark has a great dictionary building program that is perfect for this. You send him your dictionary and he sends you the words that should be in your dictionary but aren't.
7) Seriously guys, school is super hard compared to the real world. Practice as much as you can so you can get out here and enjoy. It's a lot of fun.
1) If you have multiple files because you didn't append and continue, make a note on your job sheet so you'll remember.
2) Always work on your job for at least 30 minutes after you get home to get any of the names and address spellings that you didn't get at the deposition out of your mind. It's fresh, and you'll forget by day two.
3) Mark all exhibits with a blue pen so you'll know which one is the original.
4) Get a thick skin. Not all lawyers are nice.
5) Think about getting a little laptop table because you'll need one if you ever take a video deposition because your laptop will be in the screen blocking the witness.
6) Add as many words to your dictionary as you can while in school. After you start working, you won't have the time to go in and add them. Mark has a great dictionary building program that is perfect for this. You send him your dictionary and he sends you the words that should be in your dictionary but aren't.
7) Seriously guys, school is super hard compared to the real world. Practice as much as you can so you can get out here and enjoy. It's a lot of fun.
Friday, March 14, 2008
WOW Firm
So, I've acquired my first expedited/rough ASCII/super super important case on Wednesday. It was a night depo, so I also got after hours fees. (In other words...a good paycheck.)
However, with that I have not been able to sleep for the last few days and have become somewhat delirious. But the job I had this morning was no hallucination.
I had asked the office to schedule me out Friday and Monday so I can get this job completed and to all the attorneys on time and looking good. But there was a scheduling mix-up and they asked if I could take a last minute depo this morning.
Okay...I jump in a suit and grab machine and out the door I go. It's in downtown so I had to park in those $500 a day garages...(okay, not that much, but whatever. lol) I get to the office building and walk in.
The floors are all white marble with a black marble trim. The security desk is even marble. They don't have lights. They have chandelliers. It's simply striking. I had to get a security escort up to the 9th floor where I get out of the elevators, walk down a short corridor to the receptionist. This firm is the ENTIRE floor!!!
She led me down the hall a little more to the conference room that had a really long cherrywood table that held 25 leather rocking chairs. At the very back of the room is a long breakfast bar, complete with muffins, smoothies, soda, water, coffee, and even CEREAL!!! Across the hall was a legal library of all hardback legal case files and literature. Rather impressive.
I'm beginning to wonder, seriously, if this is real or not. I tried a muffin and a smoothie...definitely real! This is so cool.
After all the last second delays and after getting set up, the two attorneys ended up agreeing to a settlement and they didn't need me anyway. LOL...oh well, I get the appearance fee, my muffin and my smoothie to head back home to edit more pages. I really love this job!!!
However, with that I have not been able to sleep for the last few days and have become somewhat delirious. But the job I had this morning was no hallucination.
I had asked the office to schedule me out Friday and Monday so I can get this job completed and to all the attorneys on time and looking good. But there was a scheduling mix-up and they asked if I could take a last minute depo this morning.
Okay...I jump in a suit and grab machine and out the door I go. It's in downtown so I had to park in those $500 a day garages...(okay, not that much, but whatever. lol) I get to the office building and walk in.
The floors are all white marble with a black marble trim. The security desk is even marble. They don't have lights. They have chandelliers. It's simply striking. I had to get a security escort up to the 9th floor where I get out of the elevators, walk down a short corridor to the receptionist. This firm is the ENTIRE floor!!!
She led me down the hall a little more to the conference room that had a really long cherrywood table that held 25 leather rocking chairs. At the very back of the room is a long breakfast bar, complete with muffins, smoothies, soda, water, coffee, and even CEREAL!!! Across the hall was a legal library of all hardback legal case files and literature. Rather impressive.
I'm beginning to wonder, seriously, if this is real or not. I tried a muffin and a smoothie...definitely real! This is so cool.
After all the last second delays and after getting set up, the two attorneys ended up agreeing to a settlement and they didn't need me anyway. LOL...oh well, I get the appearance fee, my muffin and my smoothie to head back home to edit more pages. I really love this job!!!
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Sunday, March 2, 2008
"I'm Just Wondering What 6 p.m. Feels Like."
What a classic line. Tonight on a show I was watching, Tasha is sitting on the couch and says, "I'm just wonder what 6 p.m. feels like." Seriously...I've totally been saying that these two months in D.C.
For a little bit of background information, for those of you who don't know, I quit college to work in Corporate America with UPS. I worked with the highest CEO and CFO's at UPS Corporate in Arizona. I'm talking multi-gazillionaires. My last boss made 400 times what I made in one year. It made me crazy. I was making them look awesome, while they took month-long vacations in Fiji with their family and their family's friends. So I looked into another career. Ironically, it ended up being the career I had initially wanted to pursue out of high school. I had been working 60-80 hours a week and finally refused to go in to work on a Sunday, and sat down and watched TV for once. And this commercial came across for court reporting. I signed up for the school, and five long years later....LONG years later, I am now officially working as a reporter.
But I have to say, the quality of life is AMAZING! I work maybe 5 hours a week outside of my home and can take a job if I want to, or can call in to the office and schedule myself out for the day if I have appointments. And the money...they definitely repay you for all the heartbreak and depression you go through while in school. It's absolutely worth all the trouble.
So, I've found myself sitting around at say, 2 p.m. on a Tuesday, completely unsure of what to do with myself. What do people do at 2 p.m. on Tuesday? I'm not a real TV show or soap person, so I refuse to get addicted to any of that. I don't know anyone here, so I can't just go out and have a late lunch or coffee with someone. So tell me: What exactly do people do at 2 p.m. on Tuesday?
For a little bit of background information, for those of you who don't know, I quit college to work in Corporate America with UPS. I worked with the highest CEO and CFO's at UPS Corporate in Arizona. I'm talking multi-gazillionaires. My last boss made 400 times what I made in one year. It made me crazy. I was making them look awesome, while they took month-long vacations in Fiji with their family and their family's friends. So I looked into another career. Ironically, it ended up being the career I had initially wanted to pursue out of high school. I had been working 60-80 hours a week and finally refused to go in to work on a Sunday, and sat down and watched TV for once. And this commercial came across for court reporting. I signed up for the school, and five long years later....LONG years later, I am now officially working as a reporter.
But I have to say, the quality of life is AMAZING! I work maybe 5 hours a week outside of my home and can take a job if I want to, or can call in to the office and schedule myself out for the day if I have appointments. And the money...they definitely repay you for all the heartbreak and depression you go through while in school. It's absolutely worth all the trouble.
So, I've found myself sitting around at say, 2 p.m. on a Tuesday, completely unsure of what to do with myself. What do people do at 2 p.m. on Tuesday? I'm not a real TV show or soap person, so I refuse to get addicted to any of that. I don't know anyone here, so I can't just go out and have a late lunch or coffee with someone. So tell me: What exactly do people do at 2 p.m. on Tuesday?
Day From Hell
So, I haven't been able to sleep really since coming up here to DC. So, me being up until 4 a.m. floating around the Internet is not really unusual these days, especially if I don't have a job the next morning.
Well, I got called in to a last minute hearing today. Got the call at 10:15 saying that the hearing was supposed to be at 10:00 and the original reporter didn't show up, asked if I could take the job. SURE!!! But I sure am sleepy.
Don't gross out though....I didn't have time to take a shower. I know, I know, eww. But I had to get to Manassas which is an hour away very quickly. So, I threw on my pinstriped very sassy suit, grabbed my machine and flew out the door.
Well, apparently people in Virginia freak out when it rains, and there's hella traffic. It takes me an hour and a half to get there. So when I show up in the courtroom, the lawyer turns around to me and says, "We don't need you anymore." WHAT? Are you serious?
I was livid. I still get paid for an appearance fee, but just the way he talked to me was enough to get me all riled up. I'm not the reporter who skipped out on you @#$@#&*!#@! LOL.
Oh well. I go get back in my beemer and jump on the highway only to get hit by some flying shrapnel from an 18-wheeler. I had to pull over on the side of the highway (with the shoulder being like, I don't know, 1" wide) and check out what was dragging underneath my car. It was my undercarriage/bumper. Totally hanging off and ripped in half. I'm kicking the car and cursing in my fly suit. I'm not a happy camper. Thank God I had some duct tape in my trunk. (Back off me, I'm from Texas. My Daddy taught me well.) I duct taped my pretty little car up and went on my way.
It's now 2 p.m. and I am at home, venting on this blog. I made some fajitas, YUMMY, and am drinking a few glasses of Riesling out of a juice glass. How old am I?
(Sighs) Let's just hope the crap is over for the day. My old self is gonna get drunk by myself at 2 in the afternoon. Peace out!
(Addition at 9 p.m.)
And just when I thought that was enough, I fell out of my chair reaching for my phone, knocked over my machine, broke my paper tray, and now I have a nasty little gash on my forehead. Can someone please fast-foward the time? If I was remotely negative, I might have gone off the deep end, but for whatever reason, it makes me laugh. I mean, who falls out of their chair? REALLY?
Well, I got called in to a last minute hearing today. Got the call at 10:15 saying that the hearing was supposed to be at 10:00 and the original reporter didn't show up, asked if I could take the job. SURE!!! But I sure am sleepy.
Don't gross out though....I didn't have time to take a shower. I know, I know, eww. But I had to get to Manassas which is an hour away very quickly. So, I threw on my pinstriped very sassy suit, grabbed my machine and flew out the door.
Well, apparently people in Virginia freak out when it rains, and there's hella traffic. It takes me an hour and a half to get there. So when I show up in the courtroom, the lawyer turns around to me and says, "We don't need you anymore." WHAT? Are you serious?
I was livid. I still get paid for an appearance fee, but just the way he talked to me was enough to get me all riled up. I'm not the reporter who skipped out on you @#$@#&*!#@! LOL.
Oh well. I go get back in my beemer and jump on the highway only to get hit by some flying shrapnel from an 18-wheeler. I had to pull over on the side of the highway (with the shoulder being like, I don't know, 1" wide) and check out what was dragging underneath my car. It was my undercarriage/bumper. Totally hanging off and ripped in half. I'm kicking the car and cursing in my fly suit. I'm not a happy camper. Thank God I had some duct tape in my trunk. (Back off me, I'm from Texas. My Daddy taught me well.) I duct taped my pretty little car up and went on my way.
It's now 2 p.m. and I am at home, venting on this blog. I made some fajitas, YUMMY, and am drinking a few glasses of Riesling out of a juice glass. How old am I?
(Sighs) Let's just hope the crap is over for the day. My old self is gonna get drunk by myself at 2 in the afternoon. Peace out!
(Addition at 9 p.m.)
And just when I thought that was enough, I fell out of my chair reaching for my phone, knocked over my machine, broke my paper tray, and now I have a nasty little gash on my forehead. Can someone please fast-foward the time? If I was remotely negative, I might have gone off the deep end, but for whatever reason, it makes me laugh. I mean, who falls out of their chair? REALLY?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
