Yesterday was my very first "real" criminal case. I've had DUIs and little accident offenses, but nothing like the one I had yesterday.
I get called into a last minute court proceeding that is supposed to be a Malicious Intent to Harm case. Then we got into the meat and potatoes of the case and I was FLOORED! This is a slasher case. Punk kid asks cousin for a ride at 3am, older cousin married with kids says no, punk kid slashes his throat and stabs him three times in the chest before older cousin realizes he's had his throat slit. AND HE LIVED!!! And the DA wants Malicious Intent to Harm??? REALLY!!!!! Wow, I couldn't believe it.
Anyway, the judge wasn't having it and this was for a Motion to Amend to attempted manslaughter. YIKES! I was so excited I could barely take it. This is definitely the coolest case yet.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Weird Place For A Depo
I've heard of some really strange places to take a deposition from reporters all over such as a mens' restroom, a murder scene, a cancer patient's hospital room, etc.
Well, yesterday I showed up for my deposition in The Sticks, Maryland at a really nice law firm, only to find out that was just the meeting place. We weren't actually doing the deposition there. We were doing it on the deer lease. Really? Maybe he could have warned me so I could wear jeans and an orange vest and could have even brought some bug spray while I was at it. Oh no, he told everyone but Miss Court Reporter. So there I was with my machine, my laptop, in a suit driving a BMW through the freaking sticks in a deer lease. I didn't sign up for this!
When I get there, I notice that somewhere in the midst of driving over God's Holy Land, I lost one side of the grill of my car. So not happy. I almost bottomed out twice. I was hoping that they had some sort of crane to lift me out of there in case. I was beginning to worry.
We get up to this cute little hut (no lie) before I realize...oh crap, I hope this doesn't take too long because 1) my laptop battery only goes so long, as does my machine battery and there is no electricity out here, and 2) I'm on my heaviest day of Mother Nature's finest. He best make this quick. Now I'm mad.
He points to a little picnic table and says, "Have a seat and let's get the ball rollin." He wants me to sit where for five hours? Oh hell nah! My back will be killing me after an hour and I'm not a bench player damnitt. (for you softball peeps...thought you'd get a kick out of that thought that seriously ran through my head.)
Okay. I'm a big girl. I can do this. Let's get started...seriously, five hours later, my PMS is starting to kick in as these attorneys are actually eating in front of me. I thought about my co-worker Terri and her reaction to the guys that asked her if they could order pizza while they still talked. She said, "Only if you feed me so I can still write." Sometimes, they just don't have the best thought process for us technical folk. UGH!
Anyway, my computer had already gone caput but my machine was just starting to beep at this point, letting me know that it's O-VA!!! Let's finish this already.
I interrupted Mr. Diarrhea of the Mouth Attorney 1 letting him know that my machine was about to die and we need to take this back to the firm if he wants the rest of this on the record when I realized...I'll be damned. I had a chair in the car!
Oh em gee!!!
Well, yesterday I showed up for my deposition in The Sticks, Maryland at a really nice law firm, only to find out that was just the meeting place. We weren't actually doing the deposition there. We were doing it on the deer lease. Really? Maybe he could have warned me so I could wear jeans and an orange vest and could have even brought some bug spray while I was at it. Oh no, he told everyone but Miss Court Reporter. So there I was with my machine, my laptop, in a suit driving a BMW through the freaking sticks in a deer lease. I didn't sign up for this!
When I get there, I notice that somewhere in the midst of driving over God's Holy Land, I lost one side of the grill of my car. So not happy. I almost bottomed out twice. I was hoping that they had some sort of crane to lift me out of there in case. I was beginning to worry.
We get up to this cute little hut (no lie) before I realize...oh crap, I hope this doesn't take too long because 1) my laptop battery only goes so long, as does my machine battery and there is no electricity out here, and 2) I'm on my heaviest day of Mother Nature's finest. He best make this quick. Now I'm mad.
He points to a little picnic table and says, "Have a seat and let's get the ball rollin." He wants me to sit where for five hours? Oh hell nah! My back will be killing me after an hour and I'm not a bench player damnitt. (for you softball peeps...thought you'd get a kick out of that thought that seriously ran through my head.)
Okay. I'm a big girl. I can do this. Let's get started...seriously, five hours later, my PMS is starting to kick in as these attorneys are actually eating in front of me. I thought about my co-worker Terri and her reaction to the guys that asked her if they could order pizza while they still talked. She said, "Only if you feed me so I can still write." Sometimes, they just don't have the best thought process for us technical folk. UGH!
Anyway, my computer had already gone caput but my machine was just starting to beep at this point, letting me know that it's O-VA!!! Let's finish this already.
I interrupted Mr. Diarrhea of the Mouth Attorney 1 letting him know that my machine was about to die and we need to take this back to the firm if he wants the rest of this on the record when I realized...I'll be damned. I had a chair in the car!
Oh em gee!!!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
Criminal Minds
Tonight's episode of Criminal Minds was doubly amusing for me. Now, I'm a big Law and Order fan, CSI fan, any law show fan. But for whatever reason, I've never seen this show before tonight.
This episode was about a serial killer that was going through town shooting up victims and it turned out to be a court reporter. Basically, the losers that got off easy in his courtroom for terrible things he went out, hunted down and shot 'em up. But I guess while he was doing it, he was air typing the whole case over again on his air steno machine. That's what all the witnesses kept telling cops, that he was pretending to play the piano or something like that. HA!
So when the cops finally put two and two together and realized it was him, they went to the courtroom to arrest him, only he had called in sick. His backup reporter was typing on a circa 1972 manual machine that no one even makes anymore and wasn't even touching the keys. Just grinds me wrong. UGHHH!!!
Then, when they went to his apartment, he had boxes and boxes of notes...in his apartment!!! HELLO...who does that? Yes, we take work home with us, but we don't have a special "notes in Iron Mountain boxes" room. It's called the courthouse vault or Big Mike's Storage Hall. And if you still have paper notes, you are close to retirement. Have you heard of computers and electronic files? It's called burn it to a CD. Geez!!!
This is one of those times where I just want to call someone up in Hollywood and give them a lesson. You know, us guardians of the record do watch your shows too. Might be good to do all of your research instead of focusing it on some lame, fake courtroom with some goofy, grandstanding lawyers. My rates are cheap AND I'm available on weekends. LOL...
But overall, the show was really good...like, really, really good. I totally loved it. If I weren't a court reporter, I would have taken claim on the show as a favorite, but when you sterotype us as single, ugly, four-eyed ogres that are psycho, I get a little offended.
This episode was about a serial killer that was going through town shooting up victims and it turned out to be a court reporter. Basically, the losers that got off easy in his courtroom for terrible things he went out, hunted down and shot 'em up. But I guess while he was doing it, he was air typing the whole case over again on his air steno machine. That's what all the witnesses kept telling cops, that he was pretending to play the piano or something like that. HA!
So when the cops finally put two and two together and realized it was him, they went to the courtroom to arrest him, only he had called in sick. His backup reporter was typing on a circa 1972 manual machine that no one even makes anymore and wasn't even touching the keys. Just grinds me wrong. UGHHH!!!
Then, when they went to his apartment, he had boxes and boxes of notes...in his apartment!!! HELLO...who does that? Yes, we take work home with us, but we don't have a special "notes in Iron Mountain boxes" room. It's called the courthouse vault or Big Mike's Storage Hall. And if you still have paper notes, you are close to retirement. Have you heard of computers and electronic files? It's called burn it to a CD. Geez!!!
This is one of those times where I just want to call someone up in Hollywood and give them a lesson. You know, us guardians of the record do watch your shows too. Might be good to do all of your research instead of focusing it on some lame, fake courtroom with some goofy, grandstanding lawyers. My rates are cheap AND I'm available on weekends. LOL...
But overall, the show was really good...like, really, really good. I totally loved it. If I weren't a court reporter, I would have taken claim on the show as a favorite, but when you sterotype us as single, ugly, four-eyed ogres that are psycho, I get a little offended.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Briefly Speaking
Here are a few briefs that I have become very fond of. If you can incorporate them into your writing now, you'll be much better off...TRUST!!!
STAO - State of
STAO/TX - State of Texas...you can do these with one strokers of all the states.
H-J - headache
R-FP - research
S-FP - search
P-FP - porch
TOJ - to your knowledge
T*OJ - to my knowledge
S-L - simple
S*L - simply
S*M - sympathy
PLE - employee
PLOI - employ
PLOIR - employer
PL*OI - ploy
REP/REP - Republican
P*OS/P*OS - post-traumatic stress syndrome
WARBDZ - Washington, D.C.
TAOILT/# - Title (Roman Numerals) 7 and 9 are the most widely used. At least add those.
PET/PET - petroleum
D*IP or DIP/DIP - diploma
R*IP - relationship
P*IP - partnership
F*IP - friendship
P*UP - pickup (as in the truck)
-----------------------------
Then, if you're using Fall/Spring/Summer/Winter of '0#, you can make it to where the apostrophe is in front of the 0 and the season is capped by making four simple dictionary entries:
SURM/OF/0 - Summer of '0 and the same with the other three seasons.
Yes, the season is capped if it's used in this sequence.
----------------------------
Also, if you're using a year brief for your years, and there's a # preceding that, you can have the comma and the space go in beforehand without having to worry about that edit every time.
#, 2007
---------------------------
And lastly for today, your exhibits. When a client says, "Now, let's refer to Exhibit Number 3..." it needs to be capped like that. So I would make one entry and set it up like this:
-X/NURM/# - Exhibit Number
Until next time...GOOD LUCK ON THOSE TESTS!!! See you folks in September.
STAO - State of
STAO/TX - State of Texas...you can do these with one strokers of all the states.
H-J - headache
R-FP - research
S-FP - search
P-FP - porch
TOJ - to your knowledge
T*OJ - to my knowledge
S-L - simple
S*L - simply
S*M - sympathy
PLE - employee
PLOI - employ
PLOIR - employer
PL*OI - ploy
REP/REP - Republican
P*OS/P*OS - post-traumatic stress syndrome
WARBDZ - Washington, D.C.
TAOILT/# - Title (Roman Numerals) 7 and 9 are the most widely used. At least add those.
PET/PET - petroleum
D*IP or DIP/DIP - diploma
R*IP - relationship
P*IP - partnership
F*IP - friendship
P*UP - pickup (as in the truck)
-----------------------------
Then, if you're using Fall/Spring/Summer/Winter of '0#, you can make it to where the apostrophe is in front of the 0 and the season is capped by making four simple dictionary entries:
SURM/OF/0 - Summer of '0 and the same with the other three seasons.
Yes, the season is capped if it's used in this sequence.
----------------------------
Also, if you're using a year brief for your years, and there's a # preceding that, you can have the comma and the space go in beforehand without having to worry about that edit every time.
#, 2007
---------------------------
And lastly for today, your exhibits. When a client says, "Now, let's refer to Exhibit Number 3..." it needs to be capped like that. So I would make one entry and set it up like this:
-X/NURM/# - Exhibit Number
Until next time...GOOD LUCK ON THOSE TESTS!!! See you folks in September.
Funny Stuff
I had this guy today that had diarrhea of the mouth that just wouldn't stop talking. He went on for almost nine pages talking about what he does for work and it's a divorce case. HELLO! Do you really think the lawyer wants a detailed description of your curriculum vitae, Dad? I think not.
Anyway, there were two really amusing parts of the day and I thought I would share since I know I've been totally slacking in the blog department since my vacay. I'll catch up somehow. (winks)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Does your internist prescribe that for you?
A: No. Internists don't prescribe medicines for that. There's a physician by the name of John -- what's John's last name?
Q: Errant?
A: No. I can't think of his last name.
Q: It's a side effect of the mediciation he prescribed for you.
A: Yeah, right. I'll come back to that. Now, what was I saying?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A: I was working for a small association that worked for corporations that used Oracle Business Application Software. Are you familiar with Oracle software?
Q: Sure.
OPPOSING ATTORNEY: You are?
QUESTIONING ATTORNEY: Sure. I am an oracle after all. Let the record note that the court reporter smiled at that arrogance.
Anyway, there were two really amusing parts of the day and I thought I would share since I know I've been totally slacking in the blog department since my vacay. I'll catch up somehow. (winks)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Does your internist prescribe that for you?
A: No. Internists don't prescribe medicines for that. There's a physician by the name of John -- what's John's last name?
Q: Errant?
A: No. I can't think of his last name.
Q: It's a side effect of the mediciation he prescribed for you.
A: Yeah, right. I'll come back to that. Now, what was I saying?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A: I was working for a small association that worked for corporations that used Oracle Business Application Software. Are you familiar with Oracle software?
Q: Sure.
OPPOSING ATTORNEY: You are?
QUESTIONING ATTORNEY: Sure. I am an oracle after all. Let the record note that the court reporter smiled at that arrogance.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Important Reminders for the Newbie
So I know it's been awhile since I posted, so let me bring you guys up on some fun stuff and some important stuff.
Reminders for the newbie:
* NEVER be late to a deposition or hearing, but especially a hearing. The judge will hold you in contempt if (s)he is having a bad day. I just saw it happen to a lawyer the other day and it wasn't pretty.
* Arrive half an hour early EVERY time.
* Work on your dictionary now. If you have an extra $99, send your dictionary off to Mark and ask him for his Dictionary ER. Trust me on this one.
* Always be professional. A sundress and flip flops is okay for church in the summers, but definitely not okay at work, ever.
* Get used to writing without your realtime and read from your notes just in case your software freezes up or your phishing software decides to scan your computer in the middle of a depo and it freezes everything up. It just happened to me. It wasn't pretty. Thank goodness I had paper in my machine, because I wouldn't have been prepared otherwise.
* Use a backup recorder, even if it's the old tape recorder. Have something with you in case the above happens and your audiosynch is what you rely on for audio.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now onto some of the funnier sides of the job, and believe me, I've definitely had my share in this short span of time.
This was a workers' comp claim about a dude that got smashed on the head by some falling debris at a construction site. And he was fun-ny....Some of these are so inappropriate, but you will definitely get this. Here are a few excerpts from the transcript:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Where did you meet this guy?
A: I don't know. From the neighborhood, I guess. No, no. I remember now. I met old boy at the caberet. Oh yeah, I remember now. It was definitely at the Disco Wall. Big caberet, big titties and a big party.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Well, how did you feel when you got home later that night?
A: Like some crap.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How often would you see your friend outside of work?
A: Well, I see him at least once a week now that his wife done went crazy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What else has had an impact on your daily activities, or daily life I should say?
A: Well, I used to be good at banging the monkey, but now she gotta get on top of me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AHAHAHAH. I am so not kidding. I almost died.
Mrs. W and Glyn if you're reading this, you would have been proud of me. I just tucked my chin in and smiled in my shirt.
=======================================================
But this one, I wasn't so good... lol
So, us reporters are supposed to be completely quiet and neutral during any kind of proceedings we're working on, but sometimes, it's just too funny.
Today, I totally laughed out loud in my deposition. Straight up laughed out loud. I was so embarassed, but I couldn't help it. Here's what happened:
My client is the plaintiff's lawyer, young guy but very lawyer-like and is not being so nice. He's interviewing gargantuan officer that's like 8'2 and she can barely fit in the conference room. Everything about this officer looks larger than life: gun, belt, shoes, badge, gun. Did I mention gun?
Anyway, my lawyer asks to have the officer demonstrate a prone handcuffing technique or straight-arm pull-down. Here's a little how it went:
MY ATTORNEY: Would you please demonstrate that, officer?
OFFICER: On you, sir?
MY ATTORNEY: Oh, hell no. On your lawyer. I'm not stupid.
OTHER ATTORNEY: (eyes bulging out of head) My wife will kill me if I tear this jacket.
COURT REPORTER (ME): (Laughs out loud.)
OFFICER: I don't want to hurt my attorney, but I'd be glad to show you, sir.
MY ATTORNEY: No, your attorney is fine. Just do it already.
(Officer takes down own attorney.)
MY ATTORNEY: I would like the record to reflect that opposing counsel went down way too easy.
Everything in parenthesis wasn't in the record, but it was highly amusing. Some days, it's just plain fun.
Reminders for the newbie:
* NEVER be late to a deposition or hearing, but especially a hearing. The judge will hold you in contempt if (s)he is having a bad day. I just saw it happen to a lawyer the other day and it wasn't pretty.
* Arrive half an hour early EVERY time.
* Work on your dictionary now. If you have an extra $99, send your dictionary off to Mark and ask him for his Dictionary ER. Trust me on this one.
* Always be professional. A sundress and flip flops is okay for church in the summers, but definitely not okay at work, ever.
* Get used to writing without your realtime and read from your notes just in case your software freezes up or your phishing software decides to scan your computer in the middle of a depo and it freezes everything up. It just happened to me. It wasn't pretty. Thank goodness I had paper in my machine, because I wouldn't have been prepared otherwise.
* Use a backup recorder, even if it's the old tape recorder. Have something with you in case the above happens and your audiosynch is what you rely on for audio.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now onto some of the funnier sides of the job, and believe me, I've definitely had my share in this short span of time.
This was a workers' comp claim about a dude that got smashed on the head by some falling debris at a construction site. And he was fun-ny....Some of these are so inappropriate, but you will definitely get this. Here are a few excerpts from the transcript:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Where did you meet this guy?
A: I don't know. From the neighborhood, I guess. No, no. I remember now. I met old boy at the caberet. Oh yeah, I remember now. It was definitely at the Disco Wall. Big caberet, big titties and a big party.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Well, how did you feel when you got home later that night?
A: Like some crap.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How often would you see your friend outside of work?
A: Well, I see him at least once a week now that his wife done went crazy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What else has had an impact on your daily activities, or daily life I should say?
A: Well, I used to be good at banging the monkey, but now she gotta get on top of me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AHAHAHAH. I am so not kidding. I almost died.
Mrs. W and Glyn if you're reading this, you would have been proud of me. I just tucked my chin in and smiled in my shirt.
=======================================================
But this one, I wasn't so good... lol
So, us reporters are supposed to be completely quiet and neutral during any kind of proceedings we're working on, but sometimes, it's just too funny.
Today, I totally laughed out loud in my deposition. Straight up laughed out loud. I was so embarassed, but I couldn't help it. Here's what happened:
My client is the plaintiff's lawyer, young guy but very lawyer-like and is not being so nice. He's interviewing gargantuan officer that's like 8'2 and she can barely fit in the conference room. Everything about this officer looks larger than life: gun, belt, shoes, badge, gun. Did I mention gun?
Anyway, my lawyer asks to have the officer demonstrate a prone handcuffing technique or straight-arm pull-down. Here's a little how it went:
MY ATTORNEY: Would you please demonstrate that, officer?
OFFICER: On you, sir?
MY ATTORNEY: Oh, hell no. On your lawyer. I'm not stupid.
OTHER ATTORNEY: (eyes bulging out of head) My wife will kill me if I tear this jacket.
COURT REPORTER (ME): (Laughs out loud.)
OFFICER: I don't want to hurt my attorney, but I'd be glad to show you, sir.
MY ATTORNEY: No, your attorney is fine. Just do it already.
(Officer takes down own attorney.)
MY ATTORNEY: I would like the record to reflect that opposing counsel went down way too easy.
Everything in parenthesis wasn't in the record, but it was highly amusing. Some days, it's just plain fun.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
